FanSmashi - Is it wrong to try to rescue damsels in the hope they will let you smash? Light Novel Fanfic 12
Prologue: Gods and Blood and Children and Stories
Bell lay face down on Hestia's bed, with each limb tied to a post.
"Hestia-Sama, are you sure this is really the way to do a status update? I have been talking to people from other familia-"
"Silence, Bell-kun!" announced an euphoric Hestia, stretching a long rubber glove over her right arm. "Speak not the secrets of our secret update techniques to other familias!". Bell whimpered quietly as Hestia leaned over to his ear; pressing his face into the pillow she breathed gently by his ear for a few moments before delightedly hissing into his ear "thiss... iss our little ssecret" running her tongue into his ear canal for emphasis. Bell feared this wasn't the only canal that was going to be violated during this 'special update technique'. "This, is the secret, to your fast growth" Hestia lied. Without further ado, Hestia dove in. As his status went from feeling-smashing to feeling-smashed, Hestia realised that Bell had reached the next level of progress, whilst she had reached a new level of depravity.
"Lili! Get in here and clean up this mess!" Hestia demanded.
"Make Haruhime do it, I'm no longer bottom-beech now!" Lili cheerfully replied.
Chapter 1: Rabbit x Closeup
"Hestia-sama! What were my exact stats, right before levelling up?" inquired Bell hopefully.
"Don't be silly Bell! We are very careful not to ever discuss that, on the off chance someone somewhere might overhear us" humansplained Hestia. "Now Bell, you may choose a new development ability! Your choices are Bulbasaur, Charmander, and Squirtle. Of course you'll go for Charmander so I already, irrevocably etched option 'B' into your back!" laughed Hestia.
"Uh, Kami-Sama, I suspect that might be from the wrong anime" smiled Bell awkwardly, stroking his cheek with a finger.
"Bell, you might want to wash that finger, I inserted it somewhere about my mortal body whilst you were passed out" replied Hestia. Bell did not know what to make of that statement so asked Hestia again, this time using five word sentences so she would be able to host the train of thought on her incredibly short mental platform.
"A Charmander is a pokeman. Adventurers don't choose pokemans here. You chose an option two. The choices weren't pokemans though. What were the actual choices?" explained Bell, waving his hands like it was charades.
"Oops! Maybe we shouldn't have decided on using a multiple-choice scheme for tattoing life choices onto mortals' backs before descending from Tenkai!" derped Hestia, winking and sticking her tongue out. "Lets see... aha here's the correct question paper! Option-A... Dual Wielding! Self explanatory.... Option-B.... Escape?!"
"WhhhAAAAA?!" squealed Bell in despair.
"Darn, the one thing I don't want you to learn..." pouted Hestia. "Guess *I* will have to learn advanced rope tying"
"What was option C?!" demanded Bell.
"...option c... hrm... something called 'Obito Mangekyou Sharingans'. Doesn't sound very good, I wouldn't worry about it Bell kun. Don't worry, you got a dope skill though"
"Really?" Bell had stars in his eyes, such excitement!
"Cow Tipper. Sorry, I meant to say - 'dopeY, skill'" Hestia corrected.
"How does this get decided?!" howled Bell.
"We all wrote down skills whilst in Tenkai, and then put them into the 'regular' skills hat, an 'advanced' skills hat, and a 'legendary' skills hat. You keep getting skills from that last one, so you're either going to get something awesome or something hilarious" grinned Hestia. "Such fun to gamble with people's lives!"
"I can't have a skill called cow tipper!" sobbed Bell.
"Don't worry, we'll give it a different name to shelter your ego... hrm... how about, 'BOVINE BLASTER'?" Hestia dramatically envisaged, with a hallowed tone and sweeping wave of her arm. "No? then surely... 'BULL BONER'!" this time she added a heroic pose and a look of passion to her theatrics. Bell was still unconvinced. "'DAISY DERAILER'? 'MILK MAYDAY'? 'HEIFER HACKER'? 'BULLOCK BREAKER'? 'UDDER DESTRUCTION'? 'BISON BASHER'? 'MILCHER MANGLER'? 'OX SLAYER'?" Bell snivelled at the last one. "Done! OX-SLAYER it is desu! You sound like a feeble Norweigan metal band!" annointed a pleased Hestia.
Later that day, Bell was on Orarios wall, considering throwing himself off. Hermes appeared, with a single rose.
"Aren't you cold, lord Hermes?" Bell maintained eye contact whilst Hermes flamenco danced towards him. He really only had a single rose. Even his trademark hat was nowhere to be seen; an improvement, thought Bell, he looks like such a tool in it. Hermes' hair, amongst other things, were flopping in the wind. Hermes attempted to embrace Bell, but as payback for the 18th floor peeping incident, he rotated causing Hermes to fall. Unfortunately, Asfi was not far behind, and used her flying shoes to save Hermes, rising over the edge of the wall with Hermes in a fireman's lift (a manouver meaning Hermes' feet were near Asfi's crotch, his right hip was over Asfi's right shoulder, and his chin was near her lower back; she was holding him there by his thighs).
"That was not very nice, little rookie. I won't say he doesn't deserve it but-"
"Hey Asfi, you have a really nice collarbone! I can feel it... oo! If I tactically tense I can caress it!" interjected an overly pleased with himself Hermes. Asfi looked viscerally disgusted, but decided against putting him down as she couldn't trust herself not to drop him to his death, and had resolved to drop him in a cesspit she had informally proactively loaned from Demeter for future use in case of such an occassion. Hermes continued his conversation with Bell, whilst keeping his eyes on Asfi's buttcrack which he had a perfect view of. He clasped Asfi's buttocks to attempt to alter the shape of the canyon he was sightseeing with experimental groping, but Asfi was a keen environmental enthusiast and did not want Hermes' grubby hands altering the natural landscape nor grabbing her inappropriately for that matter. Asfi's evasive manouvers relied on aeriel dogfighting strafes using g-forces to try and get Hermes away from her butt whilst maintaining a firemans lift of him, which was not easy considering he was not wearing any clothes for her to grip onto. There was part of Hermes she *could* grab but she suspected that Hermes would like that.
"Do you hate me, Bell?" asked Hermes, as he erratically orbited Bell in a demented cosmic ballet of whirling Asfi and Hermes' ass. One moment Bell was looking at Hermes' look of sincere concentration as he attempted to wrangle Asfi's butt as he flashed past, the next moment Hermes' naked butt snuck up behind him and whizzed past his ear courtesy of Asfi's gracefully chaotic circumgyration about him. Bell was impressed that Hermes was able to hold a conversation whilst being held to the equivalent of a demonic centrifuge. "I'm a big fan. Sozzles for teh meddling. BFFs now k?" he charmed. Bell was sure Asfi's firm yet forgiving buttocks would agree that Hermes, did, enjoy meddling. Eventually they buzzed off with Asfi shrieking that she was 'taking him to brown town', to Hermes' mistaken delight of what she planned to do to him.
Suddenly, death appeared out of nowhere.
"It is I! Fels!" proclaimed the creepy dementor wannabee.
"so... so you were just hanging out there, in your grubby hooded trenchcoat, invisible, silently watching me - an underage boy, until adults left, so you could approach me?" Bell's alarm bells were alarmed at the bell-end before him. This was not good. Hestia had warned him about strangers giving him sweets. "I have all the goodies you'll ever need!" she had explained, trying to stuff her 'candy' into his mouth.
"Wanna see what's under my robes?" piped up Fels.
"Please no..." objected Bell, but no sooner had Bell opened his mouth had Fels whipped open his cloak.
"Check it, I am a skeleton!" Bell had encountered Fels before, but must have been repressing the memories due to the cringeworthy and repetitive use of 'bone-r' jokes. "Listen here, Bell. When I was young, I was plump like you. Supple. Flesh having. Anyhoo, you must conquer the bottom. Floor, of the dungeon."
"Do you watch people naked in the shower with that invisibility skill?" investigated detective Bell.
"Well uh, maybe? bu-"
"Have you watched, me, in the shower. Fels." It was difficult to read facial expressions on Fels, because he no longer had a face. But his body language gaves clues.
"Oh, my! Look at the time! I must be going! Did I mention there is an oath to be fulfilled in the dungeon?"
"I'm not interested in what you do in your kinky dungeon" replied Bell flatly.
"hmph... Ouranos enjoys my company. Mostly cos I super glued him to his seat and he has ultra short term memory. And cos he has no-one else to talk to as I keep stealth-farting in his chamber whilst invisible; so people think its him. Ho ho ho" Fels drifted away.
"Thank goodness" sighed Bell.
"What was that?" a joyful Fels inquisited.
"Nothing! Please keep drifting away from me". Bell turned to Babel from his south south-east position on the wall, and began his favourite hobby - peeping. "Wish I could turn invisible" he muttered, gazing at amazonians sponging each other down through their window. Someone else had the same idea, a grey werewolf was tentatively climbing the drainpipe, nose in the air following the reamed aroma. He peeked over the windowsill, only to be whacked over the head with a broom
"Eek its the were-pervert! Whack him good! Whack him off the side of the building!" they exclaimed.
"No! You don't see me! You -ow- GO BACK TO SPONGING HER -ow-!" the werewolf snarled. With each swing of the broom, her titties swung with the stroke, and with each hit the shockwave travelled up her arms and passed through her body causing momentary jigglage of all her curves.
"Hang in there" Bell wheezed under his breath, his eyes wide. Unfortunately the 'pervy-mutt' they were screeching at tumbled down the building shortly after, cutting it short.
Meanwhile, in the uppermost apartment of Babel tower, a wistful Freya was pressing herself nude up against the full height window of her apartment. Her man-servant Ottar was scurrying between sponging her down and enigmatically waving a huge sign which read "LOOKIE ROOKIE", as his misstress demanded. Two people would have been better to split the workload.
"Notice me, kohai!" she moaned into the window pane, whilst Ottar silently mopped her down.
Later, in Denatus, a sparkling clean Freya was being oggled by every male deity in the room. She was bare except that she was adorned with clothes pegs, many of which were strategically clamped onto skin in sensitive areas to preserve her modesty, not that she had any. She let out low, suggestive gasps every time she moved, due to the pinching of her skin. Every so often, there was the click...clatter as a peg pinged off her body and tumbled across the floor; everyone's heads snapped round involuntarily to gawk at her bosoms, to see if a peg popped from there. Just a midriff. Freya bore a seductive smirk, as the fellas' gaze appraised her abraised skin with yearning to glaze her with mayonnaise.
"...damn... I seem to have spilled water on myself... I need to hang out my clothes to dry! If only SOMEONE had clothes pegs" one transfixed dimwit called 'Hermes' announced. Freya lazily tossed him a bag of spares she had brought, not a thought to replacing the ones which had launched off her slick surface. It crashed across a table before Hermes, spilling its contents.
"Perhaps ye need one to stop the blood draining out of your brain" drolled Loki. Loki glared at minor familia deities to make sure they laughed at her joke, which they did, with nervous work-laughs. She followed up by flinging a cream pie into Hermes' face; she is the trickster goddess, after all - albeit not a very imaginative one. "Alrite sad sacks, time to get naming" announced Loki tepidly. "First up its Chigusa. We'll be calling her 'just do it', ahem." a shady looking fellow wearing what appeared to be a tracksuit tuxedo covered in ticks handed Loki an evelope full of money. The rest of the deities were either concentrating intently on trying to develop telekinetic powers to move small clothes pegs sized objects, or scowling at them. "Next its uh 'Welf'"
"Hephie they're gonna name your Welfie!" exclaimed Hestia simply. Hephaestos slammed her foot down on Hestia's without breaking a smile.
"Hessie!" hissed Hephaestos, "it was a permanent transfer, not a loan, that would be fraudulent"
"Oh! I mean, MY WELFYKINS!" Hestia corrected.
"I do hope there are no illicit dealings" mused Loki, exaggerating a disapproving look. Hestia sat with a simple look on her face, staring blankly. "I SAID, I HOPE THERE ARE NO ILLICIT DEALINGS" she reiterated. Hephaestos gave Hestia an almighty kick in her shins, Hestia hopped out of her seat and hopped over to Loki rubbing her shin. Then she hopped back to her seat, looked for the bribe envelope she thought she had forgot there, to realise it was stuffed in her cleavage which she used like a handbag. She hopped back to Loki, happily waving her envelope. The room had begun to turn from Freya to watch Hestia's hop, which was causing her boobs to bop. Loki's teeth were gritting so hard she could have kept the roads safe during icy conditions. When the ridiculous boobs stopped mockingly bouncing around the room, the imbecile they were attached to handed her an envelope. She opened it to find three 50% off coupons for Jagamarakun. "This is not enough!" raged Loki.
"Whaddaya mean? They're only 30 valis each, and so delicious, so delicious!" Hestia explained to that silly Loki. "And with your 50% off coupon, you only eat half as much - same great taste, half the calories!"
"How do you even cook half a Jagamarakun?" sneered Loki at her intellectual rival, as she wobbled like a drunk flamingo.
"I cook a full one and take a bite out of it first! nom!" Loki had had enough. She slammed a cream pie into Hestias face, which knocked her onto her ass. Loki grinned, but then to her dismay she realised that Hestia's soft and deliciously curvy booty had gracefully swallowed the impact of the floor, rippling majestically. Further, Hestia was now excitedly licking the 'free food' (Thanks, Loki! ^__^) from herself. She started by wiping it off her face with her finger and then sucking it with a delighted "mmmMMmmm!" and lips smacking. But the consistency of the cream pie meant it had slid down onto her breasts and drained into her cleavage like a trough, and she was attempting to pig out on it - she grabbed both bosoms and pushed them up towards her mouth, but she couldn't quite reach the tasty creamy goodness so she was stretching her tongue out and trying to slurp it up. There were moans of pain from many male deities present, between Freya and Hestia the blue balling was excruciating. Ping... Freya's moaning... clatter; Another peg. Slurp slurp slurp. Mass male moaning. Outside, Ganesha familia guards had their ears intently pressed to the door.
"What are they doing in there?" lusted Pepsi.
"If I could be in there, I would be sooo happy" drooled Taco Bell. One who was in there was not happy at all. Loki didn't want to wait to see the inevitable outcome so she pressed ahead. Welf was named after a fireplace centre which sold and installed fireplaces - 'Ignis - the ever burning!'. Finally it came to Bell. Wait what? Again? This was suspicious.
"You've been stuffing the little rookie with performance enhancers, haven't you!" accused a livid Loki.
"Wh-aaa? Stuffing him? I-I wasn't stuffing him." spluttered Hestia with what she hoped was an air of innocence. "Besides, these hands wouldn't even fit inside-"
"FREYA'S FANTASY FLICK-MACHINE!" bellowed Freya, punctuated by the pinging of many pegs. Everyone started shouting out names, with various businessmen leaning in with 'encouraging envelopes'. Takemikazuchi threw out the name of a footwear brand as Freya called out "FREYA'S RABID BUTT GOBBLER"; Loki yelled for silence but a bewildered Hestia who was desperately trying to keep up exclaimed:
"Wha? Rabbid Butt?"
"Fine! Rabbit foot! Dismissed, gemme outta here..." barked Loki. Takemikazuchi looked hopefully at his bribey business friend, but he shook his head at him and tucked his 'donation' back into his jacket.
"Aw but it had 'foot' in the title... that's worth something right?" Take sulked.
Down at the guild, impressionable young women were crowded around the bulletin board to see the new adventurer titles, and use these to make informed consumer choices. Bell Cranel having arrived, attempted to squeeze through the crowd - but as he wriggled through, the bodies moved and he was squished face first into a merry adventurer. Specifically, he was pressed face first into her cleavage, as she was a head taller than him.
"Just my luck" mumbled a muffled Bell.
"Huah? You again?" exclaimed a playful Aisha. "When you gonna pay me from that time you rabbitted, then rabbitted, rabbit?"
"You must have mistaken me for someone else" Bell attempted to say, but the sounds of his words were absorbed into her chest. She could guess what he was saying though, from feeling the vibrations:
"You 'mushed ham, taking me for another spell'?" Aisha titty-translated. "Well, not so little Rookie, I'm prepared to overlook one freebie if you pay in advance this time" she reached for Bell's florally decorated purse. Quick as a flash, Bell wriggled free - if there was one thing Bell was above all else, it was frugal. As Aisha knew all too well. He crawled through the crowd under peoples' legs to avoid paying his tab, and briefly surfaced at the front of the crowd to read his new Alias. However, he surfaced too soon and the frightened adventuress he was unwittingly attempting to reverse-birth clamped her thighs onto his cheeks, causing him to pout like a bloated Magikarp. This is what the horrified others saw when she squealed and lifted the front of her skirt to investigate what was between her legs. With his face scrunched up and hair being a similar color, one of the adventuresses mistook him for Bete Loga and shrieked:
"Oh no! Its the were-pervert!". In the panic that ensued, everyone tripped over everyone else, and all became a writhing mass of bodies. Buried beneath the wriggling wenches, Bell attempted to claw his way out, but it was very difficult as he still had a hapless adventuress clamped onto his face so couldn't really see what he was grabbing. Thus, he kept grabbing boobs and butts whenever he reached for a handhold to try and pull himself out. After accidentally groping scores of innocent women, Bell was subducted to the bottom of the pile. He was no longer in the vice-like embrace of a strange lady's thighs, but instead he was pinned down with a pile of women on top of him, compressed to the extent he could no longer attempt to reach for freedom. Consequently, one of the distressed damsels proclaimed:
"Hey, I think he is gone?!". The pile stopped writhing and they calmed down enough to start untangling themselves and dismounting the naturally occuring harem pile which had plopped on top of a beleaguered Bell. At that moment, the real Bete Loga swaggled into the guild, and seeing a bale of babes announced to them:
"Swiggity swooty, I'm here for your booty!". They yelped and clasped their private parts as if that would stop his penetrating gaze from mentally undressing them. Not reading the stunned shock and building rage equivalent to a swarming hornets nest, Bete obliviously skimmed the notice board until he saw "Rabbit Foot? sounds like a new brand of trainers?".
"GEEEEETT HIIIIIMM!" screamed the horde of furious females, charging. As the last ladies dismounted harem-hill, they noticed Bell at the bottom.
"Oh! Poor little Rookie! You got caught up in the were-pervert's pillaging pile!" the sound of said were-pervert squawling was fading into the distance:
"gwaaaah stop chasing me you crazy chicks!"
"I know it won't quite make up for us all squishing you..." continued one of the straggling maidens to Bell, "but feel free to cop a quick feel!" she offered with a smile. Bell was in shock.
"Its not fair that the bad ol' were-pervert gets to molest us all whilst nice guys like you get trampled." her also straggling friend added. "We wouldn't normally do this, but please grope us! For justice" Bell felt utterly obliged, and did so with a look of sheer embarrassment. They both giggled. "See you around, 'Rabbit-foot'!" they ran off to join the wolf-hunt.
Bell approached the guild desk where Eina was working. She was staring at Bell with disbelief. How did he just meander into a throng, and start grabbing thongs like that? He must be hot stuff. Or loaded. Eina gulped nervously. Misha elbowed Eina
"Snap out of it, Mr Cranel is talking to you!"
"Oh!" exclaimed Eina. Ok Tulle... time to get your game face on, she decided. She reached into her desk, and pulled out a letter. She then pulled it gently up her body, swiping it through her cleavage. The entire time, she had her eyes locked on Bell, in what she hoped was an intriguing gaze.
Chapter 2: Adventure Intermission
Bell opens the envelope to find a coupon for a 10% discount at what appeared to be a shop selling brightly coloured training daggers, if the artwork was anything to go by.
"EEEK! Wrong one!" exclaimed Eina, snatching it back. Her ears were bright pink and her cheeks flushed.
"I see why they call him 'rabbit'" some passing adventurers muttered, whilst Eina fumbled for the correct letter.
"Here it is, Bell!" bowed Eina, presenting him with an official guild mission. It was a mission to the 18th floor, to help with the opening of a water based amusement park.
"A-a-amusement park?! In the dungeon?" Bell exclaimed in disbelief.
"Why yes Bell," purred Eina, leaning over the counter to rest her back muscles. "King Angelo of the nation of Wikia has an infestation of Otaku, and has convinced them to go to a theme park built into the dungeon itself"
"But Eina-san, sometimes the monsters on the 18th floor attack! The Otaku will... perish!"
Eina had rolled onto her back on the counter, and had slid over it just enough so that her head was hanging off the edge. Head tilted back, she gazed invitingly towards Bell's belt buckle, and chuckled, whilst an embarrassed Bell tried not to look straight ahead and thus down her chuckle-jigglating cleavage.
"This is the purpose Bell, he is tricking his Otaku to go down there, and accidentally on purpose not come back". Bell gulped nervously.
"The guild really wants me to... to..." Bell was distraught. "...Dress in a rabbit suit as a mascot?" he spluttered.
"You'll be fine Bell! in fact-" but Eina was cut off.
"Tulle! Stop seducing the adventurers! I've told you about this before!" wheezed Royman. Bell was shoo'd out of the guild with his rabbit costume.
"I've nothing to carry this with! May I have a bag?" protested an exasperated Bell.
"They're 5 valis!" harumphed the portentous Royman
"I'm not paying that much for a disposable bag!" wailed Bell.
"You'll just have to wear it home, then." the door slammed shut.
Bell sighed and donned his costume. It was a warm day, and a long walk home, even for his level 4 stats. As he trudged the familiar streets, beholding the bewildered faces through the gauzed porthole in the rabbit's mouth, he dreaded what kami-sama would say about him when he got home.
Having long since escaped his pursuers, Bete was skulking the streets, being a grump as per usual.
"Stupid Amazons... stupid tomato boy... stupid Bete..! oh wait that's me" he mused. Aiz was unrequiting his rough, raw, leghumpy emotions, and that made him sad. Suddenly... he saw the furriest, most seductively walking creature he had ever laid eyes on. Bell was struggling to walk normally due to the delirium caused by the intense heat of the sun baking him in his rabbit costume; he could remove the rabbit head but that would be embarrassing. Bete eyed his swaying hips, mistaking the delirious staggerring for a swaggery jaunt.
"AhwooOOOOOO!" exclaimed Bete, stomping his flosvirted right foot in pure excitement. Quick as a flash he was in front of her, gently pulling both her hands towards his chest. A wild, confident grin on his face.
"Howa yoOOOO doin?" he charmed. The delicate creature before him looked embarrassed, and shy - Bete will fix that, you can Bet-e on it!
"We're goin on a date! rrrha?" the misguided Bete informed the hapless Bell. Bell could not find the words for a response, he tried to make sense of the situation and the conclusion that popped into his head first was that Bete must have recognised him and was taking him to Aiz for a date. Yes, that must be it. Bete wrapped his arm around Rabbit's shoulder and pulled her close to his side, and began marching them towards a situation that couldn't possibly end well. Bete kept talking about himself and Bell was very confused. They got to a kebab stall and Bete held out a grubby piece of paper which had his handprint on, and an explanation from Gareth which read:
"Please just give him what he wants, and come collect the cost from us. Please don't overcharge or we'll send him back". The kebab stall man was acquainted with Bete's unique credit system and way with people, and humbly stepped back bowing. Bete grabbed two skewers, and proceded to gorge on both of them. Eventually noticing his date wasn't eating, he inquired delicately what was wrong:
Rabbit nervously declined with feeble waving of both hands.
"Aharrr, saving yourself for the main course are yah?"
The date over, they made straight for Twilight Manor. Bell was still mostly sure that he was being taken for a date with Aiz and that Bete was just hungry, but a small doubt was kindling in the back of his mind... something wasn't quite right but he couldn't figure what. Until they got into Bete's bedroom. Bell rushed out of the room; no sooner than he had levelled up he was running for his life. It was like the war game all over again.
"Must be freshenen up" assumed Bete; he started blatting out squats to prep his butt muscles. "Its allll in the hips" he announced to his dresser gnomes (ornamental type, not fairy). "Take a goood look, boys. Today is the day!"
Bell stumbled around Twilight Manor, panicking. Not long ago he had attacked some of the Loki Familia, how would they react if they found he had infiltrated their home dressed as a bunny? He had crossed a bridge into a separate tower and gotten more lost, when he heard the Amazon's coming. Yipes. He was sure they could smell man flesh, and he was steam baked in this awful costume. He was next to a plain looking door with no light creeping out from beneath it into the corridor, a dark room, he opened the door and darted in, closing it quietly. He heard the footsteps approach and then pass. The situation was looking despairingly dire... had Bete raised the alarm? Can he escape undetected? Why was Bete trying to date him? First things first, he decided he had to get out of this costume. He was far too hot. He struggled his way out of the rabbit costume, it was sweaty and sticking to him. He stood there, sweat steaming off him. His eyes were slowly adjusting to the gloom. He was still too hot, hadn't Eina warned him about hyperthermia caused by overheating? He stripped to his underwear - it was going to be a hassle to get the drenched clothes back on, but he needed to cool down and think his way out of this first and foremost. Could he throw the bunny costume out of a window somewhere as a decoy? Perhaps Bete did not know he was Bell... no that is absurd. Getting out of here with the bunny costume would be ideal but its going to be difficult to escape carrying that... perhaps he can find some clothes laying around and walk out in disguise? No that would never work, his white hair would stick out and everyone in a Familia knows everyone else... what to do. What to do. Bell became aware of something stirring in the room, he turned in horror, to see Aiz in her pyjamas, sitting peering quietly at him from her bed. She was clutching a small night-night teddy-rabbit. This was her bedroom. There was a long pause. Aiz spoke first.
"Wh-" but she was cut off by Bell shrieking and running out the room and down the corridors in full blown panic, wearing just his underwear and drenched in sweat. Meanwhile in the foyer, Reveria had taken up residence in a cosy chair by the fireplace and was reading a book.
"Oy, Reveria, have you seen a sexy Rabbit anywhere?" inquired Bete politely. Reveria looked at him blankly. "Ah well" replied Bete, correctly interpretting it as a 'no', and proceding to sate the curiosity he imagined her to have. "I have a hot date running around the manor somewhere, maybe its hide and seek, hehe". Bete took off into the corridors. Shortly after, who should appear before Bete but Bell Cranel, and from his approach he'd just been in the girls block. "You... you were with Aiz!" accused Bete, shaking with envy. Bell was extremely confused. What was the wolf going to do to the rabbit? "Hrmp, like I care. I got a hot date myself." he shulked off. After trying to comprehend the implications for a moment, he remembered he was scarpering in shame, and recommenced his frantic fleeing.
Finn had just entered the foyer and was hearing from Reveria that Bete had a date with a bunny girl of some sort.
"Should be good for him" mused Finn. Suddenly a scantily clad Bell Cranel burst into the foyer and made a bee line for the door.
"I'M SO SORRY!" he wailed as he ran past, out the manor, onto the streets and into the night. Finn looked at Reveria.
"Hrm... well, he didn't specifically say it was a girl..."
Hestia had spent the day in a tea store doing lines of sugar with Hephie.
"Those sugar cubes are for customers who purchase tea, please make a purchase..." pleaded Steve the tea store employee.
"Fine I'll have a hot water!" exclaimed an exasperated Hestia. This wasn't sufficiently appropriate commerce, but before the nervous Steve could object, Hestia stood up on her chair and bent over the table to 'get some height on her snort' ("...WAT..." inquired Hephaestus) and inhaled half a ground cube; in the process of which Steve could see right up her skirt.
"Atishoo!" sneezed Hestia, her impressive bosom bouncing from the recoil. Steve had not moved.
"Well? Hurry up with the hot water, boy!" demanded Hephaestus. Steve hurried away and was back in a flash, after serving them he began wiping the table behind the goddesses fervently with a cloth, his eyes were wide and fixed on Hestia, his face aglow.
"So, Hestia." began Hephaestos. "Cos of your tax avoiding gambit, they might be able to draft your-"
"Gah, Hephie! I think I forgot to wear panties today!" interrupted Hestia, as she dipped onto the table again, like a drinky drinky bird toy, for a new line she just smooshed. Steve was rubbing furiously. The varnish was coming off.
"WW-WooOOa-AAAH!" cried Hestia as she began to lose her balance; she had straightened up too fast. Steve heroically dove over the beyond-clean table to catch her, but a front part of his trousers snagged on the table and he tumbled over it and awkwardly forward-rolled onto the floor with a crash, landing spread out on his back. Hestia rotated away from her table as she fell, and smooshed boobs-first onto Steve's face, giving a barely noticable slapping sound as both his cheeks were slapped by a respective gazoonga. They absorbed most of the impact, like air bags - but Hestia's blue boob string was under Steve's chin, and as she put her hands forward over Steve's head, the tension from the blue string on her raised upper arms pushed her boobs up and together; clamping them tightly onto Steve's face, to his non-existent dismay. Hestia tried to back up, to shuffle back and push herself up with her arms, but this just gripped his face more tightly with her bosom-string trap, and her butt which had plopped down on Steve's lap kept unsuccessfully trying to work its way back as she fought to stand up. Hephaestos couldn't believe her eye, so lifted her eye patch to get a really good look at the spectacle unfolding. Hestia's face was red with embarrassment, as she inadvertantly ground back and forth on Steve, trying to pull away from the face she had clumsily clamped in her cleavage. Steve kind of fidgetted a bit but didn't do too much to help and just let it happen - he was probably slowly suffocating, Hephaistos supposed. After a minute of struggling in which the whole tea shop had crowded around, Steve gave a low moan and had began to shake!
"Oh my self! You killed him, Hestie!" gasped Hephaestos.
"WHAT? No he's still breathing! Or trying to!" Hestia brough her hands to Steve's chest to try CPR; as she was no longer trying to push herself away from Steve the pressure released, dropping him from her melon-maw. Steve gasped like a wounded walrus, and Hestia and Hephaestos ran out the tea shop.
That evening, Hestia was impatiently waiting for Bell. When he finally turned up, she went from shock to being not at all amused almost immediately.
"BELLL! WHERE! ARE! YOUR! CLOTHES!!?" Hestia was always so understanding. Bell spluttered his way around not giving an explanation but Hestia was persistently curious. After trying to extract information from him for a few hours she conceded that he may shower and sleep, but she wanted an explanation first thing in the morning!
"AND YOU CANNOT LIE TO A GOD!' she added, so loudly that her bosom shook menacingly - as if they were saying they've smooshed a man before and they can do it again!
The next morning, as Bell tentatively crept downstairs, Hestia was answering the door to Aiz who was holding out Bell's clothes and rabbit costume to an almost erupting Hestia.
"It was very sweaty so i washed it for him. I hope this is ok" she explained in her calm and stoic manner, which Hestia mistook for gloating.
"K-kk-Kami sama! I can explains!" protested Bell
"BEEELLLLLLLL!" squealed Hestia, as she threw herself after him. Once again, he was running for his life.
After Bell had been thoroughly 'encouraged' to repent for his actions, he hobbled into the rear garden of Hearthstone Manor. Unable to pillage the dungeon, having been pillaged himself, he was in no state to go adventuring, or even sit down. He flopped face first onto the lawn. Haruhime knelt in the formal seiza pose before Bell, looking at him with concern, and tried to devise a convoluted ploy to smother him with her enhanced cleavage. Lili crawled over to Bell, also weighed down from the inexplicable growth spurt her boobs had encountered since the last light novel. Her hips were wider too, she could no longer fit through people's cat-flaps - not that she would want to, to steal all their stuff or anything. With no care or thought for Bell, she crawled onto him, and round in circles a few times to flatten him down and thus prepare a nice place to sleep.
"Oh poor slept-on Bell! Your sleeped-on-ness is somewhat uneven, please allow me to assist!" eloquently blurted an overt Haruhime, as she awkwardly plopped her boobs onto Bell's head hair. It tickled her a little and she couldn't help but let out a bashful giggle. Bell could almost feel the wrathful glare of Hestia from inside, so he yelped:
"T-t-training time! I need to train! For a solo expedition!"
"Ohno ya don't" ordered Lili sternly. "I just got comfortable. Smoosh him down, Haruhime"
Meanwhile, Hestia had gathered Miach and Takemikazuchi in the Manor living room for their usual game of strip poker. Because Hestia still did not know how to play, at all, this had made her a tricky opponent to beat as she was unreadable. That was, until, they had invited Hermes along one time, and he had taught them they could just lie to Hestia that she had lost a hand. A few hands in...
"Aww no, sorry Hestia you got a Straight flush-" began Takemikazuchi
"-flushing your chances of winning straight away." continued Lord Miach, solemnly.
"OH DARN." exclaimed Hestia. "Guess I am out of the game."
"Not true," Takemikazuchi quickly explained "instead of removing clothing, which you've ran out of, you can perform tasks. First, try to touch your belly button with your elbows!" Lord Miach conferred agreement with his gaze, nodding profusely. His eyes were like dinner plates, and ablaze with passion.
"Oh you guys are such great sports." chattered Hestia, though neither were paying attention. "like this?"
"Uh... try wriggling around a bit... you're almost there..." said Lord Miach, clearly in a daze. Hestia was struggling, she bit her lip and looked innocently at her oggling pals. However, Hestia had neglected to inform them that her Familia was not in the dungeon as usual, but were playing in the back garden. Hestia's Familia trooped in with Lili announcing:
"Hestia! Bell got a solo mission! But I-" she paused. Everyone except Hestia paused, in mutual bewilderment. "Why is Hestia doing naked yoga whilst you two play cards?". Takemikazuchi needed an excuse fast.
"We are here to help!" he interjected quickly, before his darling Mikoto got any scarily accurate ideas.
"With... whatever it is you are doing!...?" added Lord Miach, softly.
"Ah good!" said Lili as she unfurled a map on the coffee table. "Bell is going to dress in a giant bunny outfit and herd Otaku on the 18th floor". Lord Miach had been hoping for the pokergame to devolve into a (group hug of sorts) with the new arrivals, but things were definitely not going in that direction. "AND THEN," continued a gleeful Lili, "We're gonna pass parade the lot of them, and loot their corpses!". Takemikazuchi was looking decidedly nervous. Though perhaps this was from the dead fish eyes glare from Mikoto. Lili began an enigmatic speech in which she batted random portions of the map to punctuate her machinations: "Takemikazuchi, you offered your help, and your Familia is good at pass parades, so we'll take your other best adventurers. I mean adventureR, you only have two good ones. Had. Also Chigusa. Miach, we'll alleviate you of your vixens - it can't be good for them to be couped up in that meth den ALL the time!" Lord Miach and Takemikazuchi had no words. Hestia was still trying to reach her bellybutton, thrashing around like a dog chasing its tail, boobs trying to flail everywhere but trapped and bulging within the squeeze of her upper arms as she struggled to hit her t-spot (tummy-spot) with her elbows. Welf was spectating.
"Can I play cards with you guys from now on?" he asked.
"We'll pretend we're going down to map some of the lower floors" Lili continued, "then its passy passy, looty looty, mappy mappy. And if anyone asks, all we did was mappy mappy mappy!!" they all nodded in agreement. Except Bell who was paralysed by Hestia's provocatively squirming visage.
"I WILL GO LEARN STUFF FROM EINA" said Bell, as casually as he could manage. 'I need to avoid getting distracted from chasing Aiz, Eina will surely help', he thought.
"Lili will take her third person self, and the remainder of Hestia Familia to train in the garden" directed Lili. Welf scratched the back of his neck
"Uh, I'm actually gonna go in my forge. And do some beating".
"Of Iron?" inquired Lili
"...sure" Welf replied convincingly. Bell had already scurried out. Take and Miach seemed to be casually trying to stay in the living room so they could watch Hestia's pole-less pole dance. Mikoto respectfully asked them their plans
"TAKE-SAMA. I THINK YOU SHOULD TRAIN ME" Takemikazuchi jumped. Busted. "LORD MIACH. PERHAPS YOU SHOULD TELL YOUR FAMILIA ABOUT THE PLAN" they both slowly got up and trudged out.
"Its just Lili and you, Haruhime" said Lili as they walked out onto the lawn. She pounced on Haruhime and immediately began wrestling her, grabbing anything soft and pliable to try and gain the advantage against her larger opponent. Haruhime squealed and moaned submissively, as Welf stopped in his tracks and began involuntarily drooling. As their 'training' intensified he hurried into his forge, to the backdrop of Lili's grunting and Haruhime's ashamed gasping.
Hestia was still writhing and naked when Aisha walked in - the front door was of course unlocked. "Maybe I *should* have joined this Familia!" she observed upon entering the living room. After Hestia blurted out the nefarious plan, Aisha agreed to help, in exchange for a fair share of treasure plus twenty thousand Valis of Bell's share, to pay back a 'Loan'.
"Really? What did he lend money for" smiled hestia sweetly, through a dangerously forced smile.
"Rendered training services, specifically knife handling work." beamed Aisha. "He is good with it."
"Its his Hestia knife." she bragged, missing the subtext of Aisha's wording.
"Oh its yours is it?" Aisha said with suprise.
"Yes, its a symbol of our love."
"Well he's very good with it." complimented Aisha, not recognising Hestia's misunderstanding.
"My Bell is very talented." she said with a happy smile. Although you may not be able to lie to a god, this does not help them if there is an honest miscommunication.
Back at Takemikazuchi Familia's house, prior to Take and Mikoto returning, Ouka approached Chigusa. "Oh, Chigusa, congratulations on levelling up!" Ouka went in for a high five but missed and ended up high-fiving her boob (or, 'Corbyning', as it is now known). Embarassed, he quickly tried to glaze over it by asking "SOOO what was your alias?". Chigusa, blushing harder than a ripe tomato took a small step towards Ouka, leaned in and whispered shyly "...Just do it...". Ouka then realised that they had the house to themselves. Who could blame him for thinking that an instruction! Shortly after, Takemikazuchi and Mikoto arrived to see their sweaty entangled bodies reciprocating in the living room.
"Oho! Getting started on training already are we? Nothing like a bit of naked wrestling!" chirped Takemikazuchi.
The next ten days they trained in a montage. Ouka was avoiding the Takemikazuchi Familia home, so Takemikazuchi trained his adventuresses with lots of kinky grappling. "And, if your opponent is female, you can grab her here like this - she'll like that" he explained.
"I understand! Thank you for your teaching, SIR!" yelled a far too into it Mikoto.
Bell's visits at the guild to see Eina to get taught about the deeper levels of the dungeon were going well. They slipped into a soundproof adventuring booth and she used her 'experience' to 'teach' him many things. Misha observed that they must be doing some pretty vigorous teaching as they both looked exhausted after each session in there.
The smooshing training between Lili and Haruhime had long since ceased, after a day of rolling around the lawn Lili had resolved to spend the days napping in the garden - and the nights she went out collecting unwanted things people had 'dropped' inside their homes. Aisha found Haruhime in the library. She was wearing a latex librarian costume, and really hoping that Aisha was actually Bell wanting to 'check in a book'. There weren't many books in the library as Lili had pawned everything sellable, most of them were journals written by Hestia with pretty disturbing content. Aisha examined a few on the shelf. This one says 'All work & no play makes Hessie want bull boy' over and over again. And this one seems to be hundreds of sketches of how she thinks Bell uses the toilet.
"Sup' randy fox" greeted Aisha. Haruhime bowed elegantly, with great poise.
"Pleased to see you again, Aisha-senpai". Aisha flung her left leg up onto a bookshelf beside Haruhime, and began leaning into it, stretching, thrusting her hips towards Haruhime's face, in a display of bizarre big-sister dominance.
"Doing any... training? For the expedition?" Aisha inquired playfully.
"..oh, I.. offered to Mr Cranel that I share the rabbit suit with him, pressed into a spooning position... but he said it would be too tight."
"That's nonsense Hime-chan!" Aisha declared indignantly. "We can stretch you out!" she produced a leather bound book she was hiding about her person. "Ta-daa!". Haruhime looked upon it, she bobbed her head slightly to indicate she did not understand. She then accepted the book from the still thrusting Aisha and read the title:
"I swiped it from Hermes' dirty book collection" Aisha grinned. "should be useful. Laters" she flounced out. Haruhime opened the dirty dirty book and started reading. Little did she know that it was just a dirty dirty book cover - which was covering a Grimoire!
"I desire to serve Master Bell better. I desire to serve everyone better, at the same time, every which way..."
Meanwhile, in Welf's forge, a sheepish Ouka was asking Welf for advice about protecting his 'weapon', in regards to Chigusa and his side-B Mikoto. 'Whuts a side-B', thought an oblvious Welf. 'I like swords. I will make Ouka a sword' he decided. Ouka tried to explain it was a phallic kind of sword he was asking about, but Welf still did not understand, so he made him a sword shaped like a penis.
The eve before the expedition, Hestia was in a pub with those no-good gods Takemikazuchi and Lord Miach.
"woe-oh-oh-oh, I get so lonely in that big old manor all my own! If only I had some company on those lonely days and nights!" yearned Hestia. Takemikazuchi and Lord Miach were bolt upright, they looked knowingly at each other. This was a dream come true!
"WE CAN HELP YOU OUT HESTIA" proposed a gentlemanly Lord Miach, hand on his heart and stars in his eyes.
"YES. WE WILL FILL THE HOLES.... IN YOUR... HEART" added Takemikazuchi.
"Why thanks guys! Youse guys is the best!" said an increasingly drunk Hestia, and she sucked down another pint with her powerful sucking technique.
The next day, everyone was gathered at Hearthstone Manor to see off the expedition. Even Naaza, and Takemikazuchi's level one adventurers were there. Takemikazuchi and Lord Miach had a duffel bag each, full of energy drinks, booze, a twister mat, various 'toys', some kind of harness, and other kinky shizzle I dare not even mention, what's the rating of this story anyway?! To their horror Hestia asked Naaza and unnamed red shirted level ones of Take's to guard the manor.
Haruhime was enveloped in a cloak made from the hide of the black-golliaths' muscular buttcheeks. Thankfully her cleavage was still showing; due to the exquisite tailor work of Suzuhito Yasuda.
Chigusa and Mikoto were admiring Ouka's 'weapon', whilst its owner was trying his best to act cool and pretend he wanted a schlong shaped sword. Welf moseyed over and joyfully slapped Ouka on the shoulder saying
"See, they are fawning all over your weapon, just what you wanted!". Ouka went beetroot coloured. Chigusa and Mikoto looked at each other and tried to figure out what just went down; the most plausible explanation, they reasoned through a mixture of confused and knowing looks, was that there was a thing going on between Ouka and Welf. As they watched Welf over enthusiastically patting Ouka, calling him 'big guy', and talking about how he needed to be 'paying him back', whilst Ouka held a giant weapon shaped like a cock with a look of embarassment, they confirmed their suspicions. The merry adventurers headed off to the dungeon, with Hestia jumping around waving them goodbye. The male level ones of Take's looked upon Hestia's bouncing bosom in awe.
"Take-sama! We should totally move into Hearthstone Manor and live with them permanently!" suggested red shirt two. "I heard the Apollo Familia used to cram a hundred adventurers in this place! Plenty of space for, for all three of our Familias actually! We could really help each other out!"
"Red shirt two kun! Refrain from speaking out of place in Lady Hestia's presence!" bellowed Takemikazuchi. "It is not our house to impose ourself into. We will continue with the current arrangement where Lord Miach and I visit Lady Hestia in private and its just us deities in the house". Lord Miach was nodding profusely in agreement.
The journey to the 18th floor was uneventful. Bell insisted that the women lead the way there to 'let them gain exp', and so he could look at their bums. They sussed this and decided on a new formation, with the women at the back.
Meanwhile, in the Manor:
"Lord Miach, why not put your stuff away in the cupboards?" asked Naaza "are you sure you don't want to change into some of the clothes your brought?"
"NO. AND DONT OPEN MY BAG NOTHING TO SEE IN THERE, NOPE" he replied sheepishly, as he tried to kick his bag under the bed and out of sight. Unfortunately his kick sent the bag spinning and it spilled open, with its highly inappropriate contents pouring out. Lord Miach desperately lunged forward to cover his junk related junk, but it was too late for Naaza to unsee. He stumbled over his stuff and accidentally kicked an oversized (sounds like Bilbo); it somersaulted out the room, bounced off a wall and tumbled; it just made it to the top of the stairs, where it precariosuly lingered standing on its end. Lord Miach saw it begin to tilt in slow motion. It tumbled down the stairs, with a cacophany of rubbery thuds. Hestia just happened to be climbing said stairs, when the somersaulting torpedo bounced off a step in front of her, and arced fatefully though the air before plunging into her open mouth of surprise. It got wedged in there. She got lockjaw and couldn't get it out. Hestia followed Lord Miach around scowling at him whilst the others scrambled to find varous home remedies for 'removing things which got stuck in places'. How on earth would they explain this at Babel's infirmary. Takemikazuchi's bag was also searched.
"Why did you two even bring all this junk! I can't imagine what you were planning to do to each other" chided an exasperated Naaza. They couldn't admit it was meant for Hestia... so they just had to roll with the yaoi explanation.
"Miach and I are lovers, it is true" announced Takemikazuchi. Lord Miach's neck was stiffly resisting nodding, but he managed it with a grimace. So very embarassing. Using copious amounts of lubricant which they'd conveniently found in Takemikazuchi's bag for some reason, the offending rod slid out of Hestia's mouth with a satisfying 'SCHLOORRRRPP'.
"Hrm, in that case, I see no reason why you can't come and bathe with us if you want?" invited a supportive and understanding Hestia - impressive it was that she was able to talk normally, immediately after removing the boingy battering ram from the back of her throat! An impressive suppression of a gag reflex indeed!
"uha, ahauhahuaa, urh..." they replied. No... this is a trap! "No we will just bathe together." said Takemikazuchi firmly.
"Are you sure? We wouldn't mind someone helping to rub us down." Hestia requested innocently. She pushed two fingers into her cleavage, then brought them up to her nose. "sniff... sniff.. kun... kun... boob sweat, these girls need a good rub-a-dub-dub" she emphasized, slapping them. Takemikazuchi and Lord Miach were contorted, is it a trap or a fantastic opportinity?? They decline. Later, after torturing themselves over it, they decide to go for it anyway. Sweating nervously outside the door of the female bathing room, listening to the gentle splashing and flutter of sweet female voices, they exchanged a few nods of prepatory pep to work up the courage to act upon their dastardly intent. They burst open the door, and stride in wearing nought but towells. The dames were all waiting for them, giggling in the tub with glasses of wine.
"NOW KISS!" demanded Hestia, pointing at them dramatically.
Down on the low, the 18th floor. Bell and co arrived to a campsite with paddling pools, and backyard slides which were not constructed. The workers were having trouble getting it ready on time due to being lazy asses. Each workgroup had one worker working - the rest were watching, asleep, or making a cup of tea. There were also supply problems; whenever they got their hands on valis meant for the purchase of materials, they got 'mugged' by Amazonesses who were lurking among the bushes (not in), and returned with huge, exhausted smiles on their faces.
"It happened again! She used some sort of spirit-draining technique this time, she sucked the LIFE outta me, then took my money!" they overheard one worker complain.
"I HAVE TO HELP THESE POOR WORKERS" said Bell, heroically. "WELF, LEND ME YOUR WALLET AS BAIT". Welf was a simple and compliant sort of fellow. He reached for it but it was gone.
"Ohno we have to go back for it!" he wailed, "That was my limited edition Hello Kittyperson purse!"
"I have it here, you're not going anywhere, any of you!" screeched Lili, tossing an empty purse to a relieved Welf. He held it up and shook the empty purse, perhaps thinking maybe the money he had had had gotten stuck. It hadn't. A note fluttered down, which said 'IOU MONIES! KISSES, OUKA', though his handwriting was remarkably similar to Lili's. "CRANEL! You're not going to get swabbed by an Amazon flannel! Stay put you rampant hoppity rodent!" Lili continued, keeping the expedition on track. The Otaku had begun to arrive. They waddled around the grassy plains of the 18th, wearing their fanny-packs and hidden leaf headbands. Some of the more aggressive ones were bragging about their anime knowledge to disinterested trees, prepping themselves for the coming arguments of the Otaku geekfest, like deers preparing for rutting season. Bell informed the park manager that he is going to the lower levels with his Familia to make sure no monsters attack, so the rest of Rivira can help finish the water park. 'Why, thanks Rabbit Butto! Sure is good having you around.'
They slink down to the lower levels to prepare a grand pass parade to slaughter the 18th. Lili goes over the plan:
"Ok, when we reach the 24th, each of you will scatter these tabloids around, with sensationalist stories of a giant rabbit coming to steal their monstering-jobs. When they get really pissed, Bell with don his Rabbit Costume, which I'll smear with monster lure. Then, Bell will scurry around screaming 'the dress is white and gold', 'you just lost the game', 'Beyonce is an overhyped Taylor Swift imitator' and other inflammatory remarks, and use his escape ability to lead them to the 18th!". Seeing their looks of concern over this hare-brained hare-centric scheme, Lili produced 8 greenpeace vests and clipboards. "The rest of you will pose as greenpeace street hasslers, trying to get donations, whilst I cinderella into a monster and pretend to reluctanly give billing information to a commie-degenerate-hippie. The pass parade will avoid us completely!".
They pause to rest, and Bell goes to keep a lookout. Shortly after, they hear the swarming of angry bees and Bell shrieking hysterically - they charge around the corner to save Bell, to find him stumbling around with his trousers around his ankles, fending off giant bees. Lili hid behind Haruhime and squealed
"Dooo something Haruhime! Sacrifice yourself to save me! You like this sort of thing anyway, pretend each Bee which is sticking you is Bell!"
"Wha-whatever do you mean" spluttered Haruhime, foaming at the mouth, knees knocking together in attempts to control the amassing anticipation of being stuffed with poison by so many bees. Team Take' was nowhere to be seen - Chigusa had gone to peepee when they stopped to rest, and Ouka had followed her to try and explain that he is not in fact gay for Welf, and that he wants to bridge understanding betweem them. Mikoto was looking for Chigusa to help her put on her war-bra; The war-bra is more fiendish to get on and off than a battle-bra and sports-bra combined. It has less skin coverage yet a higher armor rating. Ouka found Chigusa just as she was finishing making a puddle; Chigusa was so nervous she stood up and forgot to pull up her panties.
"Chig... Chigusa-chan..." began Ouka, nervously. Chigusa was squeezing her left elbow and looking very shy. Before they could continue with their awkward intraction, the voice of a disorientated Mikoto echoed through the corridor:
"Just do it?" Ouka froze and looked at Chigusa who was fidgetting a little as she could hear Mikoto calling for her. Ouka still did not know that that was her alias. "JUST DO IT!?" yelled Mikoto more persistently. When Mikoto finally found Chigusa, she was beneath a fleshy jackhammer, which Mikoto felt was meant for Welf. Her heart saddened, and war-bra equiping comrade being smooshed in a puddle (what a strange place to...), she had no choice but to go into battle topless, wearing a kamikaze headband. She began lighting incense and very slowly applying it to her head whilst praying to Bishamonten.
Meanwhile, on the battlefield, Welf was waving his sword around trying unsucceffully to hit the giant bees. Daphne and Cassandra were hiding behind a rock doing potions:
"Not to worry..." yawned Cassandra, "it will all be over soon". Daphne assumed the bees were hallucigenic. Aisha was bashing the most bees with her ballistic butt barrage. Her butt muscles were flawless, they could engulf, pound, thrash and wring out an opponent with ease; and also brutally bludgeon monsters, apparently. Aisha noticed that the sticky hive had an extra sticky patch; a makeshift hole with... white honey leaking out? In the throes of his wild monster fetishes, she deduced, Bell seems to have disturbed the hive by molesting it.
"Damnit Rookie!" she screamed. "I would have done that for you!"
"But this is freeeee!!" he indignantly yelled back. His pants were still around his ankles and the bees weren't giving him an opportunity to pull them up. Back in the waterpark of Chigusa's creation, Ouka started napping, as he'd finshed cramming Chigusa. Mikoto who had finished her Kamikaze-prep ritual grabbed a wobbly legged Chigusa by the hand and they both ran to the front line. Mikoto joined the fray whilst Chigusa went to rouse Daphne and Cassandra who were both in a potion fueled daze. Cassandra was drooling all over the place and was pretty useless in a battle, so not much different from normal. Daphne was somewhat more lucid so she worked on getting Daphne ready. She had potion in her mouth, so Chigusa sucked it out and spat it away. She had to keep going back, reaching her tongue all around Daphne's mouth to try and lick out all the narcotic potion, and also try to reach the back of her throat. It seemed to be working as Daphne was becoming increasingly aware of her surroundings, and started to help.
Mikoto had leapt into battle with a scream which put Tarzan to shame, and collided with the erratically staggering Bell thanks to his ankled trousers. Because Mikoto had no war-bra on, she'd no war-skirt either - its important that one's war outfit all matches - so the only battle cloth she was wearing was the kamikaze headband on her head; and she wasn't wearing any non-battle-cloth cloth. She accidentally knocked Bell to the ground and landed on top of his trouserless crotch, causing a brief cutscene of Bell playing golf and knocking the ball directly from the tee straight into the finishing place. Mikoto gasped in shock and exclaimed
"Banzaii!!". Lili produced shields which she gave to the arriving Chigusa and Daphne, and Haruhime, and then provided canvas and painting equipment and screamed
"Paint! Paint what you see! Do it now! I can sell this as blackmail, or fine art, probably both!". They used the shields as easels on which they stretched their canvases, and began painting furiously. Mikoto did not want to stand up but kept trying nonetheless, waving her swords around to keep bees away. Bell, being pinned down (and used to it) fought valiantly from his disadvantageous position on the battlefield, shooting off firebolts. This was draining his mind energy. He charged his argonaut for 20 seconds but when he fired it was not the firebolt that fired; suddenly Mikoto was stuck to the ceiling, plastered in somewhat of a sticky spiders web. He charged again, this time to fire a firebolt at the bees. Unfortunately a similar phenomenon occurred, this time a lesser amount of mysterious gooey spiders web wapped an unfortunate Aisha in the face.
"That was an accident! I'm not paying for that!" Yelled Bell. 'Third times a charm', he thought, and charged and firebolted the bees nest and all the bees. Bell collapsed and immedietaly started napping. When Mikoto finally managed to get down, Lili had her help Welf collect up the monster stones whilst her painters continued adding detail to their masterpieces. The one's painted by Chigusa and Haruhime would come to eventually be hung in Freya's house, gilded in beatiful frames, where a displeased Allen Fromel would have to see them every day. The psychadelic one drawn by Daphne was a more eccentric piece, which depicted a wretched human crab monster with multiple butts spraying a rainbow-interspered-with-white laser into a vortex of displeased bees, all with lili's face on; and would come to be in Hermes possession and be displayed in multiple art galeries around Orario for many decades to come. When Bell awoke, they were all admiring the handiwork of Chigusa and Haruhime. Welf complimented Haruhime
"Wow, your drawing is so lifelike!" as he munched on roasted bee kebab, which was adorned with what Bell suspected was the mayonaisse it was roasted with. "Maybe you should make everyone's chests one cup size larger" he added.
"Gosh! Who would do such a thing?" gasped Haruhime. On the surface, Suzuhito Yasuda sneezed.
"Listen Bell", said Aisha, "next time you get passionate urges, come to me. We can work something out on finance - dont even pay anything for 12 months!" Bell was embarassed, Hestia familia was in enough debt. The 'Hestia knife' had only cost 10 million, the other 190 million was incurred by the 'other' Hestia knife. Most of the debt had been cleared after Belit Babili conveniently burned down, along with the ledgers, but he'd managed to racket it up again. His earnings bolstered at the casino from the slots, seemd to end up being spent, in slots, so to speak.
Everybody needs sleep. Bell is assigned first watch by Lili:
"Here, use this, not a monsters hive." she instructed, shoving haruhime into his lap. Haruhime, straddled him in his lap and gazed into his eyes.
"Wh-what is it Haruhime san?" asked Bell, nervously.
"Master Cranell... I'm worried that you like monsters, but also kill them..."
"I'll do anything to protect wiener" replied Bell, heroically.
"Did you mean lady Wiene?" checked Haruhime.
"Yes her too." he clarified.
"I have fox ears, I'm kind of like a monster, I suppose" ployed Haruhime, her eyes wide like Bambi and her lips plushed. "I... I am quite naughty, Master. I do hope I beHIVE myself". She was breathing deeply, her face so close that her wanton panting was blowing into Bell's mouth. She threw a hankerchief on the floor behind her with a "Whooooops". Keeping her legs wrapped around his waist, she began bending over backwards to get it, arching her back all the way over to demonstrate her bendyness. Bell was running on empty though, and fell asleep. Haruhime got stuck like that, her boot clips were catching on each other so she could not unwrap her legs from around him, and she was bent over so far back she could not sit up. She squirmed in the uncomfortable position a while muttering 'oh dear, uh, oh dear' secretly enjoying it, eventually falling asleep to. Chigusa awoke from her sleep to find the sentries both asleep, so went to keep watch. She lifted Haruhime's head and gave her a lap pillow, but then fell asleep. Mikoto also awoke, and went and draped herself over Bell's back as he slept sitting upright, held up by Haruhime's thighs. This continued, until all the women were in some form draped on or around Bell. Aisha in particular had decided to sit on Bell's shoulders like she was getting a horsey-ride, and sleep sitting upright too, though she was on his shoulders backwards - 'Let him smell the merchandise, maybe he will dream of it! Now that is advertising, Aisha!' she complimented herself.
Ouka awoke from his long nap alone, smelling a bit like wee. The last thing he remembered was 'just do it' and then just doing it; after meandering for a while he found the sleeping pile on guard duty and decided to sit beside them cross legged and keep watch, with a stern look on his face. Welf joined him and they sat back to back to prop each other up and keep a 360 degrees watch. Welf kept trying to start a one-sided conversation about swords, which succeeded only in boring Ouka to sleep. Welf looked at the sleeping pile besides them, with everyone sharing body heat for warmth, shrugged, and declared
"When in Rome..."
Chapter 3: New World ~Water Island~
When the morning came, Bell farted himself awake. His Harem awoke to see Ouka and Welf asleep spooning together, holding hands.
"So sweet!" chirped Cassandra joyfully, clasping her hands together.
"Woo progress!" added Daphne. Mikoto noticed Chigusa's look of confusion and felt bad for her
"Chigusa, please feel supportive for Ouka! He is finding his way.". Chigusa looked at her meat supplier forlornly. Ouka was the baby spoon; confirming who was butch and who was Ouka.
(More content coming... eventually! It takes a long time to write)